


Lamentations

by cynatnite



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Grief/Mourning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-10
Updated: 2014-05-10
Packaged: 2018-01-24 06:29:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1595009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cynatnite/pseuds/cynatnite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clint Barton is trapped with a SHIELD com specialist who lost her fiancé as a result of his attack on the helicarrier.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lamentations

If one were to walk the hallways of the helicarrier without any knowledge of the last two months they would never had known that it had been nearly destroyed by a raging monster and master assassin under the control of a demigod. Much of the damage had been repaired, the deck looked as it once did before the attack and the corridors were filled with eager personnel continuing business as usual.

Oh, there was still the occasional crisis such as strange creatures emerging out of a man hole in the city or a badly dressed villain monologuing about taking over the world. Most everyone had accustomed themselves to these actions as being the day in the life of a SHIELD employee whether they were an agent or any number of other positions.

Today, however, Clint Barton was a transporter. He brought over several agents on the quinjet who were due to get a long briefing from Commander Hill and he was flying back to Stark Tower with three crates of computer parts and other SHIELD tech for testing.

The storage room was on one of the lower decks of the helicarrier. Clint pushed a heavy duty cart inside and the door slid shut behind him. He locked it in place and then went about searching for the crates he needed. Then he heard the movement across the room and a voice.

“I know, Carly, I hate it, too.”

It was a female voice. One that he wasn’t familiar with, but Clint went on about his business.

“I asked Commander Hill for a transfer and she said I’d have to wait at least 3 months before anything opened up at the Triskellion…Sure, I told her why, but with all the personnel changes…Yeah, tell me about it. She’s got a stick up her ass nearly as big as Fury does.”

Clint heard her chuckle and he nearly smiled, too.

Sigh. “No, I haven’t seen him. I hope I never do…Will you stop it with that? That toy soldier’s got more important things to worry about than a cracked up com specialist.”

_What?_ Clint wondered. Is she talking about him?

“I’d rather not. Brainwashed spies are not my idea of a fucking good time.”

_Great_ , Clint thought. He should’ve gotten Natasha to do this. Of course, she would have just told him to stop being a coward. He couldn’t hide from everyone who couldn’t get over him being Loki’s brainwashed toy.

The helicarrier suddenly surged, faltered and a few of the crates in the room reacted by jostling from the force of it. Clint heard a couple fall and then a holler of pain. He went to the source and found the SHIELD com specialist on the floor with a heavy crate on her foot. She was in obvious pain and trying to move away was only causing her more.

He clenched his teeth when he saw her eyes widen in recognition.

“Here, I’ll lift it.”

“I’ve got it.” She grimaced. When she pulled it only made the pain worse.

“Be still and I’ll get the damn thing off you. Okay?”

“Fine,” she bit out.

It was heavier than Clint expected, but he was able to move it. She sat up and clutched her foot.

“Shit,” she whispered.

Clint tapped on his com. “Barton to infirmary.” Nothing. “Barton to Hill.”

“Coms are down,” she ground out. “Try the door.”

Clint did and it wouldn’t budge. “Fuck!”

When he turned around, she had gotten to her feet and leaned against a stack of metal crates. “They’re still trying to evacuate the virus from the system. It probably locked down the helicarrier again.”

“Again?”

“Yeah, third time since…” She took a deep breath to get a better handle on the pain. “We’ll probably be stuck here for about half an hour…an hour tops.”

“Fine,” Clint said. He moved towards her. “Let me help you…”

“I don’t need your help.”

Her tone was so sharp that Clint stopped. “You need to get off that leg.”

She felt a little nauseated from the hurt and limped to the wall. After sliding down, she breathed a sigh of relief.

Clint found the first aid kit and a couple of blankets. “Will you let me help?”

“I don’t have a lot of choice in the matter.”

He wasn’t about to add to the comment when he was struggling so hard with the guilt that seemed to weigh heavier every passing day.

Clint eased the zipper of her boot down and with care he slipped it off of her foot. Looking in her eyes, the agony was apparent. He opened up the first aid kit and found the medical scissors. Clint cut off the sock and at seeing the swollen ankle he sat back. It was already starting to discolor badly.

“You might have a broken foot.”

She hissed as she tried to move her toes. “It may be a bad sprain.”

Clint got a bottle of water and some aspirin. “Take this. It might help a little.”

She did and she watched as he got an ace wrap for her foot. Nothing else was said as he carefully wrapped her ankle. When he finished, Clint took a seat opposite of her.

“What’s your name?” he asked.

“I’m not interested in small talk.”

“I suppose I could call you chatterbox or maybe I could talk Hill into approving your transfer.”

Her eyes narrowed. “You were eavesdropping.”

“No, you were talking loud enough that anyone within a 100 yard radius could’ve heard what you were saying.”

“I thought I was alone,” she muttered. The aspirin wasn’t going to touch the pain. “Alesha Benjamin.”

“I’m…”

“I know who you are. Everyone fucking knows who you are.”

“Yeah.” Clint lowered his eyes.

Alesha pulled out her cellphone and checked it. Everything was down. “Can’t even text.”

“This is because of a few months ago.”

“It rewrote system protocols. We got most of it out, but one of the algorithms is tied into emergency operations. It keeps locking down the helicarrier. They should dry-dock the helicarrier, shut it down completely and reinstall the system.”

“Why don’t they?”

“Too expensive. Landing this thing on dry land is not cheap. That’s not counting having to basically reboot the computer system from scratch.”

“You know a lot about it.”

“I was a part of the first team brought onto the project when SHIELD decided to build this monstrosity.”

“And you stayed with it.”

Alesha looked away from him. She then struggled to get to her feet.

“What are you doing?” Clint got up as well. “You need to rest that ankle.”

“Just want to get away from you.” She moved only a few steps farther away, but the agony was nearly too much for her to bear.

“Hey, I’m sorry, Alesha,” Clint told her. “Obviously you lost someone because of me and I wish I could take it back.”

“Fuck off.” Alesha finally stopped and it took a moment to catch her breath. She wiped the perspiration from her brow. “You are a moron, you know that. You think that is just about you. I’ve got news for you, it’s not.”

“Yeah, I overheard.”

It was Alesha’s turn to close her eyes. Then she opened them. “I’m not going to lie. I wanted the transfer to make sure I never saw you. The last time was one too many times.”

“I never wanted to hurt anyone, Alesha,” Clint gently told her.

“This is not about you, you fucking jerk!”

“Then explain it to me!” Clint was ready to start his own name calling. He’d been entirely too nice so far. “If you don’t blame me, then why all the animosity?”

“Randolph Daniels. Did you know him?”

Clint shook his head. “No.”

Alesha smiled a little. “God, he hated that name. His mom was a huge fan of the TV show Emergency. It was from the 70’s. She thought Randolph Mantooth was the best and that’s how he got the name. He didn’t want to be called Randolph or Randy. Most used his last name and friends just called him Danny.”

“God,” Clint whispered and closed his eyes. “I did know him. He was one of the quinjet mechanics. He was a friend.”

“Was he?”

“What the hell kind of question is that?” Clint was angry this time. “You think I didn’t have friends?”

“I shouldn’t have said that. I’m sorry.” Alesha hadn’t intended on being so hateful.

“Danny and I spent hours recalibrating the engines for more maneuverability. He was pretty damn brilliant. I didn’t know…”

“He was your friend and you didn’t know he was dead?” Alesha was ready to take a swing at him herself even though she knew he could take her out with practically no effort.

“I haven’t been allowed to see the casualty lists for obvious reasons.”

Alesha just shook her head. Her foot was throbbing. She needed to sit, but her pride wouldn’t allow it. She didn’t feel quite so angry and she couldn’t be sure if the pain in her ankle was the cause of it.

“I don’t blame you,” Alesha repeated.

“Will you tell me why you hate me then?” Clint realized that he had to know. There was much more in her eyes than the loss of someone she cared about.

“I don’t hate you. Resent you, yeah, but not for the reasons you think.” Alesha hobbled back to the place where she had sat and with Clint’s help, she got back down to the floor. “Danny would joke that he was going to set up a volleyball game on the deck.”

“He said something,” Clint remembered. “He wanted the pilots verses the deck personnel.”

“He thought his crew was made of much sterner stuff since they spent months working on deck of the carrier no matter the heat or other weather conditions. He was sure he could get Fury to agree to it.”

“I didn’t know he knew Fury.”

“Danny said that Fury wouldn’t leave the helicarrier until he was the one who cleared his plane.”

“He was the best mechanic I’d ever seen.”

“He liked taking things apart. The helicarrier was a dream job for him, but he admired people like you and Agent Romanov. When Stark starting flying in his metal suit and then Captain America was brought back he thought you all just were the heroes we needed so desperately. He would sometimes wonder if he could do what you do.”

“He said that?”

The tears then did start and Alesha wiped them away with the back of her hand. “I resent you because Danny died being like you. It had nothing to do with what you were forced to do.”

“I don’t understand.”

Alesha shifted a little. “One of the F-16 pilots got trapped in his plane. They had scrambled them to go after the quinjet you were on, but never got a chance to get any off the ground. Danny was getting him out when the second engine went down. They think one of the containers on deck broke free and hit him.” Alesha rubbed her eyes. “His body was one of the first ones they fished out of the ocean.”

Clint rested his head back against the wall and looked straight ahead. “I did that.”

“No, you didn’t. Danny did it. Even if it was someone else, he still would have run out there and saved that pilot.” She miserably laughed as she realized something. “If he hadn’t, he probably wouldn’t have been the man I loved.”

“I’m gonna say I’m sorry not because I feel responsible, but because of your loss.”

“My best friend keeps telling me I should cry it out. Let it go. My shrink tells me I need a good cry.” Alesha shook her head. “I just can’t. A part of me wants to, but I can’t.”

“Are you afraid you can’t stop if you do?”

“Yes. I’m afraid I’ll wind up getting so angry and hurt that I’ll lose control.”

Clint’s smile was bitter and showed his own hurt. “Because it’s easier to take it out on something else.”

“I’m surprised you understand so well.”

“Since it happened, all I’ve been told is not to feel guilty and that it wasn’t my fault.” Clint rubbed at some imaginary dirt in the palm of his hand. “I’m been a fucking weapon most of my life. I never cared about who pulled the trigger until now. The only name they couldn’t hide from me was one of the few people I ever let get close to me.”

“Agent Coulson?”

“You knew him?”

“He gave me the name of a memorabilia shop in the city before…I wanted to get Danny a few things.” Alesha pushed the hair from her face. “No one I’ve ever talked to blames you, Agent Barton. I wanted to blame you, but I think it was because I didn’t want to blame Danny.”

Then she did cry. It was an awful noise that escaped and she leaned over on her side. Clint couldn’t bring himself to touch her in comfort.

“We were going to get married!” Alesha cried out. “I want him back! God, please, I want him back!”

That was when Clint knew he couldn’t sit by. He moved next to her and pulled her close as she cried for the horrific loss of the one she loved. He held her until the cries began to subside.

Alesha pulled away and wiped away the tears. “I’m sorry about that.”

“You needed it. Don’t be sorry.” Clint rubbed his moist eyes and took a deep breath.

Clint heard static in his com and he tapped on it. “This is Barton. Anyone copy?”

_“Romanov here. Are you okay?”_

“Yeah, I’m in storage room P629. We have a non-life threatening injury. Notify the infirmary.”

_“Copy. We’ll get you out of there soon. Hold tight.”_

“Will do.” Clint took tissue from the first aid kid and handed it to Alesha. “He did tell me he was seeing someone.”

“We wanted to keep it a secret especially after we decided to…” Alesha was too afraid to mention getting married again. Another horrible cry would come again and she didn’t want to do it again so soon. “They would have insisted one of us be transferred if they found out how serious we were. Danny and I wanted to stay together as much as possible.”

“You meant the world to him, I think. It was in his eyes even though he wouldn’t say much.”

“Please don’t tell a lie to comfort me. I fucking hate that.”

“Don’t need to lie. Not about Danny. He would’ve been a lousy spy, always wearing his heart on his sleeve.”

Clint and Alesha exchanged a small laugh.

“Agent Barton?”

“What?”

“When we get out of here will you let someone hold you while you cry it out?”

“It might take more than that.” Clint admitted.

“You’ve got friends to take turns with.”

“So do you.”

“If you do it, then I will, too.” Alesha held out her hand. “Deal?”

“Deal.” He shook it sealing the promise.

The doors came open and Clint stepped back as the medical crew put Alesha on the gurney. He looked to see Natasha coming to him. She reached her hand to his face and tenderly wiped a tear from the corner of his eye.

“You okay?”

“Yeah…well, I will be. Take me to Coulson’s office.”

“Why?”

“Something I should’ve done a while ago.”

He felt better when Natasha put her hands on his arm.

 

END


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